August 9, 1975 - June 22, 2008

My sister-in-law passed away this morning. After being diagnosed with an electrical problem in her heart and undergoing pacemaker placement in 1997, surviving Cervical cancer and a hysterectomy in 2006, Jennifer died today from complications following months of treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. 

I don't really know where to begin. Jennifer and I were a lot alike, but had wildly different opinions at times. When I first met her, she was this tiny little blonde who drove a white convertible with a presidential license plate that read "TWIRLER" on the front. 

Jennifer had strong opinions and, in general, new exactly what she wanted. For example, she wanted to twirl in Bill Clinton's Presidential Inauguration in 1992. Long story short, she got to. I remember my mom talking about seeing this little high school girl from Ashdown, Arkansas on CNN and hearing about how she wrote to the governor and expressed her desire to twirl in his parade. And she got to! Her license plate was a gift from the President, and it bore the seal of his presidency. Since Arkansans aren't required to use a front license plate, she was able to keep it on her car for years. 

She was the petite little EEE who John met his first Senior Year at Ouachita...Jennifer was a freshman. She was the high school percussionist and majorette who won national awards for twirling everything from batons (even flaming batons) to giant swords during college football half-time shows. 

She was the square peg in the round holes of life. I wanted a Labrador...Jennifer wanted a Great Dane. She loved U2 but mostly listened to the songs that weren't played on the radio. When most people wanted to play the acoustic guitar, Jennifer wanted to learn Bass. When most people dream of the traditional brick home, Jennifer wanted a log cabin. 

Jennifer had a way of being excited about the most random things, and somehow was always successful at getting you excited about whatever it was. 

She also had a knack for getting me to take responsibility for one of her ideas,  and then making my brother think it was the greatest idea, ever. For instance, we could all be hanging out, and dinner time would come around. John could say, "Want to go grab Taco Bell?"   And Jennifer would reply, "Uhhhh, wellllll...." 

Now, at this point, I knew that she didn't want Taco Bell. I didn't want it either. So I would say, "Hey, it's........." and then fill in the blank with some reason why we should go somewhere nicer, such as ....the last day of classes before finals, or President's day, or Thursday...   "why don't we go to Chili's?" At which point Jennifer would always go, "Yeah, John..." as if to say DUH, don't you know we don't want to go to Taco Bell???

As I said, we had a lot of differences of opinion. We were joined by a common thread...love for my older brother. A love that came with the constant questioning of "Why does John..." and a complete and utter failure to understand why he would throw an empty 20 ounce Dr. Pepper bottle in the kitchen sink, rather than the trash. 

We shared similar tastes in cars. Both of us wanted a Camaro or Firebird, though neither of us ever got one. On more than one occasion, we both drove Nissan X-Terras. On more than one occasion, they sat next to each other in my parent's driveway on Christmas Day with opposing political party endorsements on their matching liftgates. 

Jenny and I are honored to have had both Jennifer and John in our wedding...John was my best man, and Jennifer was a bridesmaid. Jennifer was present when I graduated from Ouachita and John had to work. She always allowed John to spend Christmas with our parents. They always woke up at her parents' home on Christmas morning, but never failed to make it to our house by lunch. 

Three Christmases ago we all gathered in their living room in Little Rock for Christmas. She was preparing for a hysterectomy and we wanted to have a small-scale get-together. I remember giving she and John a complete set of new, white towels. She had talked and talked about how much she wanted white towels and was so sick of all sorts of various colored ones. Towels aren't much of a Christmas gift, I will admit, but I know she was really happy to get them. She was so excited that she could do all her "whites" in one load, and really be washing all white items. 

Two Christmases ago we were in a new place...my parents new home in a new town, after spending my entire life in Texarkana. Jennifer was tickled with the gifts from Crate and Barrel that we bought her, and she cursed me for giving their daughter a fish tank. 

This last Christmas, we were together in my parents' home again, this time with Jennifer's parents, for a small, quiet Christmas. Jennifer had just had her first chemo treatment, and had shaved her hair off so she wouldn't have to deal with the emotions associated with watching it fall from her head. 

We didn't buy each other gifts this year. We had a baby on the way, they had a three year-old, and we decided to buy for the kids instead. It was a different type of Christmas, and she was obviously tired from the chemo and the ordeal she had endured for the previous month trying to find a successful diagnosis for her illness. She had missed Thanksgiving to be at the Mayo Clinic, but we were happy to know what was making her sick, at least. 

We didn't know this would be the last Christmas together...the two boys, the two Jennifers, and our parents. It was a good day, and I'm glad to have that memory. I wish we had done more together as a family. We talked of large family vacations over the past few years, but our schedules and vacation times never aligned. Four years ago, when Abby was just two months old, we rented a condo on Lake Hamilton for a long weekend. We made homemade ice cream, went to On the Border, shopped, swam, and just had a good time in general. Not much of a vacation, certainly not showy or fancy, but we were together at least. 

I don't know what the next few days, weeks, and months will bring. I can't imagine celebrating our anniversary...also Jennifer's birthday...this year. Christmas will be almost unbearable...seeing Benjamin celebrate his first Christmas, watching Abby open her gifts, and seeing the empty seat that Jennifer should be in. 

I don't know what emotions will overcome me when we have to say our final goodbyes on Wednesday. I just know I love my brother, I adore my niece, and I will always love Jennifer for making my brother so happy, and for giving us this joy of joys in little Abby Lynn.