Sincere Thanks

Jenny and I want to thank all of you who have called and left messages, posted comments, and emailed us after the loss of my brother's wife.

Last week was really tough, with VBS going on right as we had to be out of town. Thankfully, we had one of the biggest VBS weeks the church has seen in several years. It was amazing to see so many people step in as Jenny and I had to be out of town.

We'll be with my family the latter part of this week, and hopefully things will begin to settle down. My brother still doesn't know whether or not he will be working in Jonesboro for the next few weeks, but thankfully he is able to stay with my parents and not have to deal with returning to the house with so many memories of Jennifer.

Sorry that we have been so bad with posting pictures of Benjamin. I'll get some up sometime this week.

August 9, 1975 - June 22, 2008

My sister-in-law passed away this morning. After being diagnosed with an electrical problem in her heart and undergoing pacemaker placement in 1997, surviving Cervical cancer and a hysterectomy in 2006, Jennifer died today from complications following months of treatment for Hodgkin's Lymphoma. 

I don't really know where to begin. Jennifer and I were a lot alike, but had wildly different opinions at times. When I first met her, she was this tiny little blonde who drove a white convertible with a presidential license plate that read "TWIRLER" on the front. 

Jennifer had strong opinions and, in general, new exactly what she wanted. For example, she wanted to twirl in Bill Clinton's Presidential Inauguration in 1992. Long story short, she got to. I remember my mom talking about seeing this little high school girl from Ashdown, Arkansas on CNN and hearing about how she wrote to the governor and expressed her desire to twirl in his parade. And she got to! Her license plate was a gift from the President, and it bore the seal of his presidency. Since Arkansans aren't required to use a front license plate, she was able to keep it on her car for years. 

She was the petite little EEE who John met his first Senior Year at Ouachita...Jennifer was a freshman. She was the high school percussionist and majorette who won national awards for twirling everything from batons (even flaming batons) to giant swords during college football half-time shows. 

She was the square peg in the round holes of life. I wanted a Labrador...Jennifer wanted a Great Dane. She loved U2 but mostly listened to the songs that weren't played on the radio. When most people wanted to play the acoustic guitar, Jennifer wanted to learn Bass. When most people dream of the traditional brick home, Jennifer wanted a log cabin. 

Jennifer had a way of being excited about the most random things, and somehow was always successful at getting you excited about whatever it was. 

She also had a knack for getting me to take responsibility for one of her ideas,  and then making my brother think it was the greatest idea, ever. For instance, we could all be hanging out, and dinner time would come around. John could say, "Want to go grab Taco Bell?"   And Jennifer would reply, "Uhhhh, wellllll...." 

Now, at this point, I knew that she didn't want Taco Bell. I didn't want it either. So I would say, "Hey, it's........." and then fill in the blank with some reason why we should go somewhere nicer, such as ....the last day of classes before finals, or President's day, or Thursday...   "why don't we go to Chili's?" At which point Jennifer would always go, "Yeah, John..." as if to say DUH, don't you know we don't want to go to Taco Bell???

As I said, we had a lot of differences of opinion. We were joined by a common thread...love for my older brother. A love that came with the constant questioning of "Why does John..." and a complete and utter failure to understand why he would throw an empty 20 ounce Dr. Pepper bottle in the kitchen sink, rather than the trash. 

We shared similar tastes in cars. Both of us wanted a Camaro or Firebird, though neither of us ever got one. On more than one occasion, we both drove Nissan X-Terras. On more than one occasion, they sat next to each other in my parent's driveway on Christmas Day with opposing political party endorsements on their matching liftgates. 

Jenny and I are honored to have had both Jennifer and John in our wedding...John was my best man, and Jennifer was a bridesmaid. Jennifer was present when I graduated from Ouachita and John had to work. She always allowed John to spend Christmas with our parents. They always woke up at her parents' home on Christmas morning, but never failed to make it to our house by lunch. 

Three Christmases ago we all gathered in their living room in Little Rock for Christmas. She was preparing for a hysterectomy and we wanted to have a small-scale get-together. I remember giving she and John a complete set of new, white towels. She had talked and talked about how much she wanted white towels and was so sick of all sorts of various colored ones. Towels aren't much of a Christmas gift, I will admit, but I know she was really happy to get them. She was so excited that she could do all her "whites" in one load, and really be washing all white items. 

Two Christmases ago we were in a new place...my parents new home in a new town, after spending my entire life in Texarkana. Jennifer was tickled with the gifts from Crate and Barrel that we bought her, and she cursed me for giving their daughter a fish tank. 

This last Christmas, we were together in my parents' home again, this time with Jennifer's parents, for a small, quiet Christmas. Jennifer had just had her first chemo treatment, and had shaved her hair off so she wouldn't have to deal with the emotions associated with watching it fall from her head. 

We didn't buy each other gifts this year. We had a baby on the way, they had a three year-old, and we decided to buy for the kids instead. It was a different type of Christmas, and she was obviously tired from the chemo and the ordeal she had endured for the previous month trying to find a successful diagnosis for her illness. She had missed Thanksgiving to be at the Mayo Clinic, but we were happy to know what was making her sick, at least. 

We didn't know this would be the last Christmas together...the two boys, the two Jennifers, and our parents. It was a good day, and I'm glad to have that memory. I wish we had done more together as a family. We talked of large family vacations over the past few years, but our schedules and vacation times never aligned. Four years ago, when Abby was just two months old, we rented a condo on Lake Hamilton for a long weekend. We made homemade ice cream, went to On the Border, shopped, swam, and just had a good time in general. Not much of a vacation, certainly not showy or fancy, but we were together at least. 

I don't know what the next few days, weeks, and months will bring. I can't imagine celebrating our anniversary...also Jennifer's birthday...this year. Christmas will be almost unbearable...seeing Benjamin celebrate his first Christmas, watching Abby open her gifts, and seeing the empty seat that Jennifer should be in. 

I don't know what emotions will overcome me when we have to say our final goodbyes on Wednesday. I just know I love my brother, I adore my niece, and I will always love Jennifer for making my brother so happy, and for giving us this joy of joys in little Abby Lynn. 

Afraid for the End...

Well, after about 10 days with virtually no improvement, Jennifer had yet another really bad day. John has stepped down from his store in Knoxville, and he and our dad left this morning from Memphis to head East and clean out his office and apartment there. They didn't make it any further than Nashville when word came that Jennifer was going down fast. 

She is once again receiving 100% Oxygen, a level that can't continue for long, and as I have heard it, essentially every life-sustaining device is cranking on full throttle. 

I am fairly sure she will not survive longer than a few more days, if that long, but she has hung on so much already that it is hard to know if she is going to continue on past this. As our dad put it, it's one step forward, three steps back, and he doesn't think she has any room to go back any longer. 

I cannot imagine what a strain this has been on her parents. They are in their late 60's and 70's, and they have been with her for this entire month-long ICU nightmare. As much as it will hurt John to lose his wife, they are losing their only child. 

Please keep us the focus of your thoughts and prayers. 

Day at the Lake

For about the last eleven years, Jenny's aunt and uncle have had a place on Lake Hamilton for the month of June. Since I've been in the family, we've gone to the lake on Father's Day for the afternoon. This year, too much is going on for us all to head down on Sunday, so we celebrated a day early. 

Benjamin suited up in his new trunks, donned his SPF 5o Speedo Baby hat, lathered up in sunblock, and popped into his floating crab. 

He flinched for a split second at the water temperature, then he was happy as a clown. 

Aunt Bee, Ben, Mommy

Daddy's 1st Father's Day

Beautiful Mommy

Chillin' in the Crab

Napping on Mommy's Shoulder

Soon after we arrived.

Lovin' his Mommy

Snoozin' in the Sun

Both fully coated in Sunblock and ready for the water. 

Woo hoo...First Swim!

As you Pray...

Keep my family in your continued prayers. My brother's wife has been on life support for several weeks. About 10 days back, she was responding well and they were able to take the vent out for a couple of days. She started relapsing, and is in really bad shape. I think the physicians are trying to prepare my brother for what is about to happen. They told him today that she has a slim chance of pulling through. 

Basically, what is happening is a failure of both lungs due to her chemotherapy treatments for Hodgkin's Lymphoma, diagnosed at the end of 2007. She has had heart trouble for over a decade, and the last I heard today was that she is heavily sedated - more than she has been up to now - and her pulse is really high. The fear now is that if they back off her sedation, she will go into cardiac arrest. The amount of Oxygen that is being given to her continuously is also high enough that she is at risk of Oxygen poisoning. 

John and Jennifer have been married eleven years, and have a 4 year-old. The past eight months have been torture for young Abby as Jennifer spent time in Minnesota at The Mayo Clinic, then began chemotherapy, and now has been out of sight for weeks. She has been staying with my parents through this most recent situation, but you can see how she is being affected by the turmoil. It is truly one of the most heartbreaking situations I have ever known of. 

I have not been to see Jennifer or my brother since she was first put on life support. All that you can do is sit and wait, and as much as I know he enjoys our family being there to support him, I have Jenny and Benjamin and my job to contend with. VBS is the week after next, and I can't even begin to process all that needs to happen on that end when every time I hear a text message alert on my phone I'm expecting it to be my mother or John saying "Come Now," or "It's Over..." 

As much as I pray that those words won't be uttered, I am afraid our fears are becoming reality. 

Please keep all of us in your thoughts and prayers. We have a huge family and a terrific support system, but this is truly overwhelming. 

Home Alone

Jenny and Benjamin have gone with Jenny's sister to spend the night with their parents, so here I am alone. Tomorrow is Holly's birthday, so I'm heading to Hazen after church to have lunch with the fam. While I've been alone, I have washed the car, been to wal-mart, home depot, target, and Kroger. I've done laundry, rearranged the living room, cleaned the nursery, and now I'm watching DVR-ed episodes of Fraiser. 

This is my first night away from Ben, and it's not too great. I actually - and this is weird I know - smelled one of his little night gowns before tossing it into the washer. I know this will be the first of many times I miss the little tyke, but the first time is a bummer. I'm sure it will never get easier. 

These are some pictures of him in his Frog robe and slippers after a bath a couple of days back. Enjoy. 

Cock of the Walk & Keepin' the Sparks Flying

Ok, so today was sort of busy and hectic...started out mowing Jenny's Grandmother's yard. I figured she had either passed away or had gone to sleep with the TV so loud that she didn't hear my mower, blower, or weedeater. I guess she's alive since she called me tonight and thanked me. 

She hadn't seen the yard though, since she's misplaced her keys and has essentially been locked inside her house all day. Sad, I know. Even more sad that this is like the third time it's happened this week. 

Jenny was in the car with her yesterday and out of nowhere she looked at Jenny and said, "And I was just lying on the floor..."

Who knows. Anyway...Lillian's grass has been cut. 

So then I came home and mowed ours, Jenny and I had errands to run, we wound up at home for a short nap, and were going to stay in for the  night and eat a rotisserie chicken. 

The chicken was a result of Lillian yesterday as well, although we'll save that for another time. 

So, it was Friday night, and staying in and having chicken just didn't seem right. I mean, we've been married 5 years (almost)...let's keep the sparks flying...keep things shakin, RIGHT?

So I wandered into the kitchen and asked Jenny if she wanted to get dressed and go out. She was, of course, all about that. 

After I had showered (for the 3rd time today) I suggested we drive out to Cock of the Walk in Maumelle, and she was okay with that. Now, having never been before, for some reason I thought it was a nice, quiet place. I was basically envisioning the Maumelle version of Cheer's, but in the woods. Not at all what I expected. Loud, country, old faded I'm Proud to be a Coal Miner's Daughter curtains hanging from the windows...anyway. 

The food was okay, but the high point of our romantic evening out was our trip to Maumelle's new Wal Mart. I'm not really an expert on Wal Marts or anything, but this one is NIIIIICCEE...I highly recommend stopping in. We bought two fans for the house (again, the things you sacrifice in a 70 year-old home...ceiling fans being one of the biggies), refills for the Diaper Genie, and Milk Bones. 

Oh heck yes, the fire's still burning in our marriage.